Back from the abyss


Sohewhistled has fallen to the wayside; discarded as carelessly as the orange in the backseat of my car (the weather has frozen it completely), poor orange. It was given to me by a coworker, she called it an ‘ugly orange’ I thought it was an insult, but no she was saying ‘Ugli orange’ which is something completely different. Fruit from Jamaica, a crossbreed – an ugly crossbreed indeed –orange, grapefruit, and tangerine, all in one, nature’s fault and man’s discovery. Really, Ugli is the brand name, the distributor, the one who makes a beautiful profit off an ugly product. Like Uggs.

How would you like ugli stamped on you?
How would you like ugli stamped on you?

I have written posts here and there, nothing worth hitting the ‘publish’ button for; they lie dormant in my draft folder. Most my time is being spent figuring out this adult mess which crept up on me like Sister Silent and her stealthy cat-like moves. It was just yesterday I was watching Boy Meets World, eating popcorn and working on my “extremely” challenging math homework, and the next I’m doing taxes, calculating my annual loan interest, planning on scrubbing floors (do I have any Pine Sol left?), and preparing my healthy breakfast sandwiches for the week.

Taxes blow.

The breakfast sandwiches are great. Eggs in a muffin tin – genius!

My life consists of this exercise regimen I have been keeping up for five weeks now, Chalean Extreme, (Beachbody produced, think P90X but without suicidal thoughts in the middle of workouts) to do inside while this awful winter weather torments us. Snow, snow, more snow, ice, freezing rain, and negative temperatures, my Honda hates the roads, I am grateful for the free pair of nice snow boots a ‘mommy’ coworker gave to me last year. My neighbors down below are wishing for a break in weather soon as well, I am sure, so I am outside running and not upstairs doing Sumo burpees.

Sumo burpees blow.

Chalean Extreme is pretty cool though. (Have you noticed ‘cool’ isn’t really cool to say these days?)

I have been editing for a friend who is writing a book, it has been the closest I have come to writing myself. My life stories pale in comparison to hers – thus my genre of choice being fiction, as opposed to nonfiction/autobiographical. Let me make up a world, give me the liberty to dramatize and hide my truth amongst outlandishness. Who wants to read about a single twenty-something female traveling through life discovering the bizarre in the mundane?

Tongue in cheek there folks.

I discovered Crazy Lady is a hoarder of M&Ms thanks to Sister Silent displaying so flamboyantly and with relish her stash on the kitchen counter. We have bags from every holiday, and the standard peanut M&Ms she has treated herself to since the days of her twenty-somethings. We recently discovered Cherry M&Ms which are to die for and not part of Chalean Extreme’s meal plan. Sister Silent picked up two bags while at our “local” Target (located two hours away) only to get home and discover they are sold at Wal Mart (five minutes away). Our mother’s addiction has obviously spread through genes down to her innocent children. If only I hated chocolate or sweets in general, then I wouldn’t need to do any Sumo burpees.

m&ms

 

A few days after this lovely picture was texted to me, I received this from Sister Silent:

cereal in microwave

 

That my friends is my parent’s microwave… filled with cereal boxes. And Crazy Lady wonders why I call her Crazy Lady…

I will make this brief but I watched a documentary awhile back called Black Fish on Netflix. The film has ex-trainers from Sea World discussing the orcas, in particular Tilikum, and other Sea World vs. OSHA politics. It made me feel like a horrible human being. All in all, a fantastic documentary.

That is Dawn Brancheau his trainer at Sea World.
That is Dawn Brancheau his trainer at Sea World.

Tilikum killed one of his trainers back in 1991 at Sea Land in Victoria, Canada, and then killed another trainer at Sea World (where he had been sold after his incident at Sea Land) in 2010. The documentary was nominated for an Oscar, did not win, but was obviously recognized.

I will end the nerd portion of my post by telling you all to watch the documentary sometime, but hurry because Netflix has been a real pain in my rear with taking away the cream of their crop and replacing it with things that star Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is overrated. Yes, I said it.

Mr. Green has also been aggressively dominating the exercise world, and as the story goes with 95% of men his success has been quick and instantaneous. That is some real lame sauce. I mean I am happy for him, as I am required to be, but for reals? Don’t mind me over here attempting to hold plank for longer than a minute, or doing a bazillion squats, with little if any visible results. No wonder men think women should easily be able to all look like Cameron Diaz when they are able to cut out a serving of cereal and see an immediate weight loss.

It goes hand in hand with that same theory men have that morning sickness resulting from pregnancy is some big myth. “Suck it up honey, your body is only adapting in a million different ways in order to grow something inside of you.” A little person living inside a person, Oh no, that shouldn’t cause any kind of chaos on the body.

Speaking of little people I took The Neph to The Lego Movie this last Saturday and found it hilariously entertaining. Surprisingly so. I went in with the mindset it would be a cute kids flick like Frozen – I’m sorry to all you Frozen freaks out there but I didn’t quite jump onto that big bandwagon – but the creators of Lego were amazing with their script! I should have known after finding out Morgan Freeman was playing the voice of a character that it would be worthwhile. You  can never go wrong with Morgan Freeman. If Morgan Freeman read me a bedtime story every night my life would be a lot more peaceful.

I’m back from the WordPress grave, a little rusty and apparently chatty but back nonetheless and you all better like it or else I’m shoving some Chuck Norris in your face.

 

38370_Chuck-Norris-640

I don’t even have words for this…

 

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