“Dealing” with a bunch of third graders… and other life nonsense


I’m heading to Seattle, WA this weekend to go visit my great-grandma Alex. Sister Fierce and I are departing a lot later than everyone else, she has to teach her class, or some such nonsense that day. She’s stuck in a car with just me, and I am praying to God Baby Gil does not decide to come early. What a nightmare that would be, delivering my own nephew. I mean, I could do it of course, I’ve seen enough episodes of ‘Call the Midwife’ but that’s just… gross.

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See all I need is one of those ear horn deals… and a nun.

We’ll be heading to Pike’s Market Sunday morning, fingers crossed. There is a French bakery I want to try out, and I have told Crazy Lady that her Mother’s Day gift would be coming from there, as well as Sister Fierce’s and Mr. Green’s birthday gifts, so I kind of have to go or I will look like a jerk.

There are a lot of women in my family on my mom’s side… and almost all of us will be meeting up in Seattle for this trip. There will be six women staying at my aunts house, plus her and Grandma Magoo who is already up there, and Cousin Nursey who I’m hoping will show up at some point to say hello. Cousin Nursey works with premie babies… so if Sister Fierce is going to have Gilbert then she needs to wait until we’ve arrived. Hold him in Sister, hold him in.

So this has been entertaining me the last couple of weeks.

I went with Sister Fierce to her third grade classroom a couple weekends ago and wrote a hilarious note on the whiteboard for all the Little People to read Monday morning. They have been trying to guess who this mysterious visitor is ever since. Sister Fierce delivered a stack of cards with questions on them yesterday, and I got busy writing them all back.

These were the questions:

– What color is your hair?

– What color is your hair?

– What hair color do you have?

– Are you blond?

– Do you remember how last week you told us you were watching us well can you explain to me what you meant. Do you watch us in our classroom or do you have cameras?

-What coler is your hair?

– Do you have 3 kids?

– What do you do for fun?

– What coler is your hir?

– Do you no Mrs. G?

– Have you been in are class?

– How old are you?

– Have you subed for us?

– What is your favorit coler?

– Do you wear makeup all the time. Circle Yes/No.

– Do you work here?

– Where do you liv?

– Did you brow (borrow) Jay’s markers agin? Circle Yes/No.

There are only so many creative ways I can think of to describe my hair color. Come on kids, be original. Sister Fierce made the mistake of giving them the example, “Ask them something about them, like what their hair color is.” You can see they really stretched themselves to think of something outside the example box.

I did borrow Jay’s markers because he brought his own bright dry erase markers to class. All Sister Fierce had was black and a worn down blue. Awesome K cannot use boring colors in her messages.

One little girl thought she was pretty funny, she signed her name as Awsome Lee. She is also the paranoid one. I told her I have cameras on her all the time…

I told Anne that I didn’t know why she needed to know how old I am… why is that relevant? Lucy was the creepy one that wanted to know where I live. And no Bella, I do not have three kids. I have no kids. I live alone, and I am old! There, are you all happy?!

Sister Fierce emailed me this morning to inform me that her student John is writing me a letter and it starts out, “We know who you are…”

Does he though? Does he really know who I am?

I answered them all nicely. Don’t freak out guys. I am above playing mind games with third graders… most days. But I had a thousand funny responses running through my mind as I was writing them back. I’m going to bring them some type of treat during their last week of school. Ice cream or popsicles… pet snakes and a viewing of The Godfather… you know, something really special, something that makes them remember me, and how awesome I am.

Oh yeah I forgot that was one of the questions:

– Are you awsome?

That was from Jay, the kid whose markers I stole used.

Why yes Jay, I am awesome. That should never be questioned.

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3 thoughts on ““Dealing” with a bunch of third graders… and other life nonsense

    1. It is Le Panier! I have wanted to eat there every time I am at Pike’s and the line is always crazy long. So this time we’re getting there early, hoping we can snag a table!
      I would be terrified for all the people I would be a midwife to… I’m totally doing it one day. Midwifery!

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