I told one of my coworkers I would do a redemption post to make up for my last “oddball” post. I promised her actually, and I keep my promises. Except for that one… Before I apologize however, I would like to say I was not in any way fishing for compliments. I do really appreciate all those Facebook followers of mine who sent me encouraging comments and messages though, it was completely unexpected and very much appreciated. Being a ‘word of affirmation’ person it was better than feeding me banana cake and ice cream.
Onto the apology! We are our own worst critic, and I proved that apparently all too well. It is true that I have never been all that comfortable with my body and looks. Most every woman deals with a complex of some sorts about their appearance. Society’s pressure to look like a runway model is daunting, men’s perceptions on beauty can be heartbreaking, and when you look wildly different from your own family it can be the cherry on top of the melting self-confidence sundae. Just pour me down the drain already, I am ruined! That is truly how you feel some days. Except for Heidi Klum, she probably never wants to be poured down a drain.
Anywho, sometimes you don’t realize how harsh you are on yourself until you turn around and read what you have written. It’s easier when you say things and they disappear in the air, I am lame and write it down in black and white. My humor can be biting, and unfortunately I tend to make fun of myself more than others. My way of coping with what I am uncomfortable with is to make fun/light of it. I am beginning to realize that I don’t give myself enough credit. Call it maturing, but I think I am realizing how mean I am to myself!
I should be put in a time out. A blogging time out.
I do not promise to never tease again, that would be impossible. I am too easy of a target!
Coworker Kar, how was that? Will it suffice?
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On a completely unrelated sidebar:
Have you ever run into a high school classmate in the store or a restaurant, and it turns awkward real quick? I have realized that there are some people who I grew up with from first grade on, that will completely snub me when we run into each other. And then there are others who never talked to me in high school and now act like we are the bestest of friends, ever!!! I know I have not changed in the way I look since I was like three, so it’s not that they don’t recognize me…
I mean, come on, we played soccer together, went to school dances, sat next to each other at pep rally’s… where I was probably making fun of school spirit, but still a bonding time regardless. A simple “Hello, how are you?” would be fantastic. Instead, they look at you and quickly away. ‘Oh snap, someone who knew me when I was young and dumb! Play it cool… play it cool…’
In a town of 13,000 this happens more often than I’d like. Pretty much every Safeway and Wal Mart trip I run into a bazillion people I know. It does not take that much work to smile and acknowledge that you know a person. Or at least have the decency to run the other direction before I see you.
Just a smile and a hello though, nothing much more than that. We’re not having a high school reunion in the cereal aisle folks. That’s what trips to Portland are for. When you graduate from an Eastern Oregon high school the thing to do is to move to Portland. I’m pretty sure half my high school class, and a quarter of my college class is in Portland and it’s outskirts… shout out to all of you over there.
(That reminds me – Chan Chan I want to come see you soon!)
Anyway, I’m looking forward to the day when I’m 80 and seeing someone from your high school class is a miracle.