Selling squat

I do not do well at selling things.

Want to know what my job is?


I just don’t like feeling like a telemarketer. I have no idea how those poor souls survive their jobs. When you are calling someone blindly, especially a business, it is terrifying. More so for someone like me whose skin is not all that thick. I get extremely anxious, my stomach tightens, my throat closes. I lose sleep laying in bed thinking of all the people I have to call, what I’m going to say, what I need to say, blah, blah, blah… (which is how I feel when I’m on the phone.)

I can’t blame people for being annoyed, I mean I am calling them to ask if they would spend money on advertising. Businesses get annoyed because they get phone calls like that all day, every day. Private party people get annoyed because you are interrupting their day, and well, they just don’t want to deal with you.

I need to get thicker skin. Is there a pill for that? I’m sure… there is a pill for everything.

You know what job I could never do? Door-to-door salesman. For security systems, cleaning products, or whatever else. Where they have the upper-hand is catching people off guard, it is a lot harder to tell someone “no” to their faces than over the phone. Take Girl Scouts for instance, you can’t look into their baby eyes and tell them, “No, no cookies for me.” Instead, you end up with five boxes of Thin Mints. When I think of door-to-door salespeople Dianne Wiest comes to mind, with her Avon kit.

Edward Scissorhands – One of the best movies!

There was one time I bought a cleaner for $70.00 from a door-to-door sales guy. I bet he walked away thinking, “What a dope.” I know I was feeling like quite the moron. That is one of my more embarrassing moments, and yet I felt I should share it with all of you. In my defense, Sister Fierce and I didn’t have to buy cleaner for like two years, and that stuff smelled pretty good.

So, how do you sell things when you aren’t very good at making people spend money? You hope that being a cute, little girl (despite being almost 25) does its charming thing. Being treated like a 10-year-old has its advantages at times. I don’t like feeling as if I am browbeating someone into placing an ad with me. I hope they know that I would only be calling them if it would benefit them, or have some kind of positive branding.

I am a writer for goodness sake! I feel things. Things like empathy, sympathy, shame, embarrassment… It is a rough process to detach completely and turn into, *looks away*, a salesperson. Honestly I have to approach it like acting. I am simply playing the part of a salesperson… but not like Willy in ‘Death of a Salesman.’ That would not turn out so great. We would have a repeat of this:


I act like I am confident and sure of myself… a real class act.

Stop laughing at me Sister Fierce.

If I am acting then the insults, the sighs heaved, the hang-ups, the eyes I’m sure are rolling, don’t hurt as much. Tears don’t spring to my eyes, or my face doesn’t get all red and hot from embarrassment from just being yelled/snapped at. I act at my job, is this normal? Is this healthy?

I have watched way too much West Wing lately. I wish we could have Martin Sheen as our president for reals.


What a great guy, and that voice! I want him to read me a bedtime story every night… in the oval office. He has no problem selling ideas and propositions in that show…

This is from the episode I watched last night! Hilarious!


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