Sister Fierce brought over a cake on Friday night, we cut into it and discovered this:
Guess who is getting another nephew! Sleepovers are going to get a little more crazy.
She is due July 5, if you are wondering, so I have some time to prepare.
While I am preparing, here is a list to remind myself of all that I have learned about little boys:
- They have no shame from the minute they are born. They will pee anywhere, anytime. I specifically remember an instance where Crazy Lady went to change The Neph on the living room floor, he was probably about 4 mos. She opened that diaper and what happened next was like trying to control a water pistol.
- A little boy can pick anything a part. A lock, a toy, someone’s computer…
- Bath time involves dragging random things into the tub… including rocks from outside, silverware, hair brushes, stuffed animals, and food, because you might get hungry for Cheerios.
- They are stubborn when potty training, and the underwear selection only consists of comic book characters or tractors.
- They like to show you the food they are eating… whilst eating it.
- They are just weird. Period. They do weird stuff, say weird stuff… One time my nephew licked my toes for no reason whatsoever and carried on like nothing had happened. Weird.
- Their hands are always covered with dirt, food, or something sticky that you’d rather not discover what exactly it is, and can only imagine where it came from.
- They are escape artists. Fearless for the most part. They will run, and run far. Because see, they think it’s funny, they think it’s some kind of game, they think they are free. Until they get caught and put in timeout for a good solid hour.
- Boys make anything into a toy. Sticks are a given (especially for little boys) but dust pans, laptop sleeves, and anything that can be found on the side of the street…
- Rocks can be collected. And I mean any kind of rock or broken up piece of cement. And then they can be found… everywhere! Especially coat and pants pockets, and in the bottom of your purse. If you forget to check the pants pockets then you have a heart attack later when the rocks start to ricochet around in the dryer.
- You learn pretty quick who every super hero is, and how to pretend you are one of them. Luckily for me I was already up to par in that department.
- You learn jargon. At first you think it’s because they are just figuring out how the whole talking business works, but then you realize that they just like making up words and sounds. And then you sadly start understanding it… and talking in it too.
- They don’t care about cute clothes. At all. Unless it has some cool character on it, or a dinosaur, they could care less about what they have on.
- Most boys will go through a Lego stage. You buy the big ones first, then they work their way down to the thousands of small ones. No matter what the size, they all feel like a knife going into the bottom of your foot when you step on them.
- Kitchen cabinets become a rock climbing wall. Likewise the couch becomes a launching pad.
- Boys are born with the ability to make gun noises. The machine trills, rocket launches and explosions, they are already built-in before they even come out.
- Any kind of bodily sound is funny. And to repeat it, many times in a row, is even more funny.
- You will be the victim of many bruises, many eye pokes, many scrapes. Little boys can be stronger than what you think or what they realize.
- Say goodbye to a clean toilet seat, and know that you will walk in a puddle of pee at some point, it’s just going to happen.
- Boogers are cool.
- Girls will never be quite as cool as boys. Aunts can easily be out done by one game of catch with the Uncle. This is super lame.
- Boys might actually be a little more sensitive to their mom’s feelings than little girls. They need to be told how awesome and brave they are from their mom, or other female adults in their life. They are sweet that way.
I’m still learning lots from The Neph. If I ever have boys of my own I will know what to expect. Though the day I reproduce should probably be a day the world needs to take cover. Watch out for the curly-haired, stumpy-legged flock of gigglers.
Sister Fierce says this baby’s name will be Gilbert. Though I am sure this is a joke, she has now just bestowed the baby’s blog name. Thank you Sister Fierce, I cannot wait to hold and squeeze baby Gil.