The chosen one

I have a brother. He is younger than me by three years. His name is Brother Serious.

Here he is:

Ta da! He is Jesus!

Well, in my parent’s eyes my brother is Jesus. He came and saved them and broke the plague of estrogen they had created. He came out with a golden halo and angels singing Handel Messiah’s “Hallelujah Chorus.”

“Who is your parent’s favorite child?”

All in unison, Sisters and I, “Our brother.”

It is not this hidden secret, we are well aware that Crazy Lady and Mr. Green do indeed have a favorite child.

“But parents love all their children equally. There is an endless amount of love, they are unable to love one child more than the other.”

Um, no, they love him more.

He came out as a big ‘ol ham. Quite literally he did. Brother Serious was over 11 pounds when he was born. Yet, even through the pain of delivery (with no drugs, go Crazy Lady) my mother was still ecstatic that God had finally, finally!given her a son. The heavens had parted and placed in her arms a plump and pink, very divine gift. A son with blonde hair, big round eyes, and the chubbiest little cheeks you couldn’t help but want to kiss.

So as we know I am the middle child.. oh the dreaded middle. It’s so cold, and desolate. I am not the oldest, Sister Fierce has that reign, nor the youngest, Sister Silent occupies that spot really well. Then my brother comes along and has to be the only boy… so I’m just kind of… here.

Hello – ello -ello- ello… (That is supposed to be an echo.)

I can’t say I blame my parents for loving Brother Serious more, my brother is rather perfect… annoyingly so. But here is the deal, he is perfect because of me and Sister Fierce. He followed us through life learning from our mistakes.

  • Do not talk back to mom and dad.
  • Do not argue with siblings.
  • Do not complain about being bored.
  • Do not leave messes.
  • Do not total your sister’s car. (Oops.)
  • Do not get involved in high school drama.
  • Do not drive on the school track. (That was all Sister Fierce.)
  • Do not be a mean teenager. Just don’t do it.

Instead Brother Serious stayed quiet, hid in his man cave, played video games, and stayed under the radar. Smart kid.

He is the type of guy you have to chisel away at, people work really hard getting him to laugh. Not me of course, because I am so funny. He has a very serious expression, much like Sister Fierce’s, they tend to intimidate people easily. You feel like you need to approach them slowly and cautiously like wild animals. As the middle child I always acted (still do) as a buffer between them and the rest of humanity.

“Really they don’t bite, I promise. They just look mean and scary. Just don’t touch them.”

My brother is quite handsome really. He’s average height, dark blonde hair that he keeps very short, big hazel eyes, and has the metabolism of a stinkin’ cheetah. I don’t know if cheetahs have fast metabolisms, but it sounded good. He should weigh three times as much as he does the way he eats, or doesn’t eat. He forgets to have meals and then when he remembers he chooses fatty foods loaded with carbs. He drinks lots of soda pop too. I say soda pop as to not take sides of that strange battle. (Soda vs. Pop.) He works for Pepsi, hence the lots of soda pop drinking. He refuses to go anywhere that sells Coke products. Do you realize how many places sell Coke products?

He just bought himself a new rifle and hunting gear ‘stuff.’ I’m not quite sure what all is included in hunting gear, so ‘stuff’ it is. He killed some birds. They are currently in Crazy Lady’s freezer. They probably will never get eaten.

Brother Serious lives in a house full of girls. Originally it was both guys and girls but then all the guys bailed out over time leaving Brother Serious to be by his lonesome. Because he grew up with a house full of women he was prepared for such a scenario as this. He sits in his room and plays video games when he is home.

He is kind of an information sponge. He knows lots of weird and random things. History is sort of his deal, lots of knowledge on past wars. I think from his video games he feels he actually fought in these. He is an old soul. If you get him started on something he finds interesting then you better just take a seat and get comfortable, because he will not stop until he has given you every detail he knows and then some.

His sense of humor comes out of no where. He teases The Sisters and I often. It is an abuse that we just sort of roll over and take because we learned that if we were to verbally attack back we would get scolded by The Parents, and if we were to complain to Crazy Lady or Mr. Green we would be sort of poo-pooed away. Yes, I just said poo-pooed.

“Oh Katelyn…” It is like Crazy Lady just couldn’t fathom her son saying such things.

Every year I try really hard to find something very special for Crazy Lady for Christmas, and between Sister Fierce and I we direct Brother Serious in what he should get our mom as well. Here is a little of what Christmas morning looks like:

Awesome Katelyn: Mom open my gift next.

Crazy Lady: Oh wow, thank you Katelyn! A diamond bracelet!

Brother Serious: That next gift is from me.

Crazy Lady: TEARS. Oh son, a bookmark with a butterfly on it… MORE TEARS.

Okay so maybe the diamond bracelet was more of a handmade leather journal flown in from Romania… but still. Honestly the fact that Brother Serious remembers to come over on Christmas morning at all is gift enough for Crazy Lady.

When Brother Serious speaks the world stops to listen. And if you are the one to interrupt him… well it is not pretty. The Parents do not hear anything else except the golden utterances of Brother Serious, and nothing you try to speak of after can quite match the importance of what he just said.

Brother Serious: I need new socks.

Awesome Katelyn: I heard that things are getting heated over in the middle East.

Crazy Lady: Shhh Katelyn, your brother is speaking.

So I have this brother. He is pretty great actually. Always a gentleman he does whatever he can to help out when needed. He is one person you know you can call on for a favor and he tries his best to deliver. He “treats” his sisters however he can, and knows when a hug is needed. He is loving and thoughtful, funny and smart… and he is single ladies! I loved him crazily from the day he was born and have stayed rather protective over him since. I suppose because I love him so much that it is what makes it acceptable that he is my parent’s favorite child.


2 thoughts on “The chosen one

  1. I love this. I have two sisters and a brother, too. I’m the oldest, so I’m naturally perfect. My dad said out loud more than once, there is one set of rules for the girls and one for John. Happily, I adore my brother, too!

    Happy Thanksgiving!

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