How to be as annoying as possible.


Some of my pet peeves include but are not limited to:

  • TYPING IN ALL CAPS. DO PEOPLE DO THIS JUST SO THEY DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WHEN TO ACTUALLY CAPITALIZE A WORD? I FEEL LIKE I’M BEING HARASSED THE WHOLE TIME I’M READING IT.
  • Being poked. Especially in the side. It is not pleasant, it is awkward. It should be even more awkward for the person inflicting the poke. What grown human being feels the need to shove their finger into someone else?
  • Paper cuts.
  • Unrinsed dishes. (I don’t think that’s a word… but it is now!) This is even more irritating now that I am without a dishwasher. It’s like someone went and monkey-glued the leftover pieces of oatmeal and/or cereal flakes to the bowl.
  • Strangers pulling on my curls. Um, I don’t know where your hands have been and my hair is not a child’s toy.
  • When couples sit on the same side of the booth… and no one else is on the other side. WHY? So awkward…
  • The excessive use of the word awkward. Oops.
  • Creepers. And I’m not meaning creepy men this time. I mean those who sit at red lights and slowly start creeping forward before the light actually turns green… it makes me anxious, like I’m in a game of Mario Cart.
  • Food not magically appearing no matter how many times I open my fridge door to check.
  • “You look nothing like your family.” Really? What am I supposed to do about that, jump back into my mother’s womb and try again?
  • A poor cup of coffee. Well that’s just unacceptable really… but there is nothing worse than spending the outrageous amount of money we are forced, yes forced, to spend on coffees now, and have it turn out terrible. Nothing can make up for that disappointing first sip.
  • Blocking aisles with grocery carts. I mean straight up blocking the aisle by parking the cart horizontally, making it completely impossible for anyone to pass through. Who do you think you are? The only one that eats Greek yogurt?
  • “TGIF!” …
  • WhEn SoMeOnE tYpEs LiKe ThIs.
  • Elusive Facebook statuses. When someone does this I immediately hide them from my “newsfeed,” forever.
  • When someone does not answer their phone, even though you know they are practically glued to the thing due to Facebook and Pinterest obsessions. (*cough, *cough, *Sister Fierce.)
  • I sit down to read a book, then someone starts talking to me, because obviously I’m not busy…
  • When I try to put one of my contacts in and it’s like,” No, not today.”
  • Bikers. More specifically bikers in fluorescent colors. I know you have clothed yourself so cars don’t hit you but in fact I’m like a bug who spots a light…
  • “I hate sushi.” “Have you tried it?” “No.” Well then…
  • Wal Mart.
  • “Hey do you think you can-”  “What?” “… let me finish my question before asking what?”
  • Someone who says, “I have no pet peeves, I’m pretty laid back.” Liar!

Feel free to add to this list. And it’s pretty safe to say that if you do a solid six out of these we cannot be friends.

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4 thoughts on “How to be as annoying as possible.

  1. How to be as annoying as possible … don’t actually listen when you’re participating in a conversation; instead, go full steam ahead with your own stories regardless…. (I cuss inside when that happens…)

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