Something I have come to discover over the past few years, is how easy we humans attach ourselves to each other. The whole crock of ‘not opening up’ or ‘building up walls’ is true to an extent, but we long for personal connections, we push others away in hopes that they’ll fight back that much more to get close to us. We long to feel wanted, and needed… bonded at a core level. And we’ll hold on to something, or someone, even when we know it may not necessarily be beneficial, just because we fear being alone. That my friends is one of the biggest fears we all have in common, we will fight loneliness as fiercely as we would fight for our life. Mostly we do this without even thinking about it, we busy ourselves with work, with hobbies, with friends… with anything that pushes us through our days and towards the next adventure, the next holiday, the next change in life. We place Newton’s law into effect and hope that we don’t meet that foreign variable that stops our forward motion.
I have met my foreign variable. Do I know exactly what it is yet, not really, but my forward motion has faltered a bit. Perhaps this is God’s way of telling me to enjoy this time I have now and stop the mad-rush through life, or possibly it’s just a hiccup in the road and I’m about to get shot off in another direction. Whatever the meaning may be it does not help with the sudden onset of anxiety that I’m alone right now. Not in the literal sense, because I’m obviously very much physically surrounded by others (Sister Fierce, The Neph, and I share a home for those who do not know) but in the figurative sense I have yet to experience the fireworks of meeting that one person I’ll grow old with. I have been fortunate the last five years to have school distract me from this, but now I’m entering this world where people just…. work. What is that?? Serving coffee isn’t the best distraction these days, trapped in the coffee shop with only my iPod for company, I get a little too eager for the next customer to show up. “Hi, I’m lonely, I’ll give you a latte if you just sit here and talk to me for five minutes.”
There is a difference between going through a lull and just becoming lazy. I will fight laziness along with loneliness. I refuse to be trapped in the comfort of daily routine. I don’t think my personality can handle that for long anyway. If anything blog readers don’t let lethargy take over, break out of the four walls of your home! Before I really step onto this box and begin shouting cliche, yet truthful, encouraging remarks, I’ll change topics and end this post.
It has come to my attention that many of you do not know who Sigur Ros is. This is appalling to me. They are truly my favorite band of all time, amazing artists, with amazing hearts for what they create. So PLEASE, click on the link and experience them for yourselves: Awesomeness!